Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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