Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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