Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize