Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You are a genius and a whore.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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