My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
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I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how does that bad decision feel?
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