Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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