I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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