I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize