My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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