last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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