i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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