she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize