What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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