i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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