I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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