I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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