I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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