Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize