Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize