you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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