take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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