if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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