Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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