16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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