he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I will pee on everything he values.
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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