I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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