get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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