we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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