Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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