And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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