Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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