Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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