I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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