kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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