Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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