He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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