I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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