Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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