Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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