I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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