ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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