It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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