Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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