Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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