i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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