So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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