we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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