sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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