good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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