I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize